On being aware of your needs as a mother, expressing them, and a little gift
(my mum ❤️)
9th of May, mother’s day.
My mother inspires this post, this title, together with the work I do and all the mothers I meet and I intend to support.
My mother is a garden: within her little, graceful body and clever mind, lies the whole imaginary botanical guide of emotions, and I know them all, I've seen them all. But I guess that's what I think. She's got roses, she's got spines, she's got perfumed jasmine hedges. She's an oak tree, a willow, a lily, she's got sunlight and darker sides.
And she suffered, and she shined, and we fought, we laugh, we cry. And I love her. And she still is so mother everything that happens to me at 43; still, she does her best. Everyday.
And I'm grateful. (Might sound off topic, but I'm grateful to my father too).
Every culture, every generation, has musts and don’ts for what a mum should do, choose, say, be. Can you recall any? When is the last time you were told how you should be?
Truth is, there once was a traced pathway for many of the hows of parenting, and today I heard in a conference that nowadays's parents are pioneers. On this mother’s day, the one after 1 year of worldwide pandemic, the conditions seem so different, with amplified challenges, still you will find similarities in what a mum usually does and does not do. And the awareness of what a mother allows herself to do, or be, will make the difference in how this present days and challenges are lived.
So let’s get back to the essential: what is that you desire the most, as a mum, for YOUR DAY this year?
When thinking of mothers, my heart gets poetic. It must be their grace.
A mum is like a garden, one full of scented may flowers. Wakes up with drops of dew on her cheeks and eyelashes. Touches her skin, delicate like a petal, shows a colourful smile, like a flowerbed in bloom.
When sometimes all she needs is to linger in bed, to take a bath (long enough to rest), to take a walk in nature, to have someone wiping her tears of tiredness, expectations, doubt, solitude, and joy.
She needs to have a vision for her garden: what kind of mother do you want to be? What values will you cultivate, what seeds will you plant? Will it be patience, will it be calm, will it be laughter or lightness and presence? Maybe deep listening and loving speech? Will it be courage, appreciation, openness?
She needs to prioritise, have a clear view, and still be flexible, for the weather changes and will be changing all of the time.
She needs good soil, the energy that comes from the ground and from her roots, and that is nourished by others who help and truly understand. But also, and most of all, by her gentle approach to herself, to her vulnerabilities that need to be welcomed, not hidden: no guilt or shame has truly helped a mother and her child.
A mother doesn’t want rotten roots and dry ground: let the love in, ask for it.
She needs to assess the garden’s conditions, frequently: how do you feel? Can you stop and take a breath? And how do the kids, and the other parent, feel? Can you all take a moment to stop spinning the wheel?
She knows she’ll reap what she sows, therefore it is important to formulate the intention of awareness, as well as that of self-compassion for when she’ll fail, as everyone does.
The garden has big and strong trees, areas that flourish wild and easy, more delicate plants that need extra-care, places of sunlight and places of shade. You can continue the metaphor as you please: a nice fresh river with moving waters, a peaceful pond with lotus flowers, a cozy place to store your tools, a bridge that connects and a fence that protects, with a beautiful entrance door to allow visitors in (and let them go too).
For this mother’s day, please make a wish: express what you need as an intention of self-care and well-being.
Send it to me and I’ll make it more visible, for it needs to be seen: what do you wish for mother’s day this year?
Here is my gift for you: an audio meditation just for mums. Enjoy 😊 on the mindfulness page
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